I really like this pic I made. It kinda shows how when people look at me or doctors look at me and they say “you fine” and I’m like “don’t worry, I just have lupus”. I’m in a abusive relationship with my body. Everyday and I’m literally feeling like I’m dying, by all means prescribe me another useless pill. Meanwhile insurance companies can just cover medical marijuana and be a savior! But they won’t, we all know why, there is more money to make on the sick. The only thing that seems to work, is this miracle flower, it works for Cancer, and for numerous other things, there is tons of research, look it up. But to buy from a reputable source or even the street, it cost so much. And it’s not covered by insurance. By all means just let us die.
I was diagnosed with lupus in 2012, after I hurt my back carrying an obese patient, because my partner let go of the stretcher, I was an EMT. The worst thing was that, I really couldn’t ask or didn’t want to ask for workers comp, because I too a fitness test, and I already was in pain in 2011, however I was still able to work through the pain. I was still young and in my mind, if I’m going to let a little bit of pain stop me from doing anything, then I will never go anywhere. However my body had other plans for me. Being an EMT, soon was going to be a thing of the past. My wrist, my back, my knees and my neck starting to hurt more frequently, un enabling to to carry anything, including stretchers, and bags, drive long hours, sit down, bend or stand up. So, I had to be let go. I tried to go back to school to learn cosmology, and the classroom was great until I had to stand long hour and hold a scissor. Needless to say, I had to quit after 700 hours of hard work. I began to think; how am I going to provide for my family I need to work… at the time, I was in a relationship. Long story short, I moved to a warmer weather, was feeling better for a little bit, I worked as a medical assistant, I was on ADHD medication, I was doing pretty good, I had my day, but, my flares were tame. But, that didn’t last long, I went through a period of very heavy stress and after having a well paying job, a house and everything I needed, I had to leave it all behind and come back to NY. In 2017, since I’ve gotten back and my mother died that same year everything has gotten from bad to hell. My grandfather always have told me, that we should work until we die, otherwise what’s the point in life, and I have live by that motto for years. Even with all the pain, I found jobs that were lighter, and even a job for other disable people. These jobs all required to either be in the phone, stand, sit, stay awake,alert, remembering, typing, talking, and more very simple tasks. Which I have found increasingly difficult to perform as time progresses. My last two jobs; Homeless Men Shelter Supervisor; what a trill and adventure. I even ended up in the hospital with a rare flu, and the doctor told me that it was time to quit, and Let someone else do that job. That my immune system is too weak to be among so many people. Which I listened and just wore a mask, PRE COVID. I still ended up in the hospital, inpatient. I finally got fired, they say fraternization , but I feel it was because they were tired of me calling in sick and being absent among other things. Then Immediately I got a job as a security officer for a university, they said in the application that it was light job, and I mostly was going to be sitting and if I wanted to could stand up and stretch and it was an overnight position. That quickly turn into me having to take the elevator to the 10th floor and go floor by floor and decent stairs, then walk in the cold to release coworker in other buildings. I was in so much excruciating pain, I contemplated everyday, to go to work. I asked myself… Can we live off the government? No.. because I would have to be disabled, maybe I can move in with a friend? No because I have kids, should I just end myself? No because these kid still need me. I feel like a waste of space. Everything hurts and I can’t do a simple job. I pull it together, stop crying, dry my years, and acted normal. One day, in the chaos of Covid, I got sick, and they told me not to come. I called my doctor and she wrote a letter, that I wasn’t allowed to go back to work because of my immune system was compromised. So I stay home, and they university literally send me videos to watch and write a small essay of what I learn about it, to keep getting paid. Okay! Well that ended, and I really was in bad shape. I applied for disability. I quickly learned, that the worst thing about applying for disability is not having it; It’s having to proof to a bunch of people that see you once and a few people that just read about you on paper and a judge that just listens to the testimony of this people is the worst part. I see several specialists for different systems in my body, and they all agreed, I was not fit to work anymore. Between, chronic pain, lupus, fibromyalgia , Chiari Malformation, chronic back pain, non epileptic seizures, PTSD, BDP, OCD, ADHD, Asthma, Chronic Depression, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Arthritis, AND ALSO, the several medications. My medication consists of opioids , injections, seizures medication, muscle relaxers and high blood pressure medications, and inhalers. The doctors that evaluated you for 30 minutes for mental and physical issues, from the social security insurance office, make a decision based on what you look that day or how you feel that day. They have literally put on my decision letter that “I dress nice” to be disabled… I don’t know what is that… I’m going to a doctors office… my daughter picked up my clothes or my husband, and help me dress.. am I suppose to wear dirty clothing? Or mismatch clothing because I have a mental and physical illness? Also, I completed college associate degree in 2016… is 2022 now, they say, I have schooling… yes, but what does that have to do with me not being able to leave my bed most days? I appealed for a second time, with a lawyer. After applying for the second time and being denied twice so, this is technically my 4th attempt. Everything keeps getting worse. I have OCD, I usually shower daily sometimes twice, and because of the fatigue and exhaustion, I have to shower once a week. I stay in bed most of the day. I actually have ONE hobby that I was able to continue and that coloring and drawing but only on the iPad. Because I don’t have to use section on my wrist as much. I sometimes scrapbook, and I was able to get married. I use a cane because my pride it’s too big, and I refuse to use those electric carts in the store, so I rather just try to walk a tiny bit and leave and shop online. Why does people that work so hard and paid money towards social security in case they become disabled, have to jump through fire covered hoops to be taken seriously? I literally don’t know how else to show them, I can’t work. They suggested a job of “silverware wrapper” but that job doesn’t exist. They give that job to waitresses, and they recommend, a job with no public contact, sedentary, to only carry 5 pounds or less. I tell you, if I could actually earn money making art or from my doodles, then it would be ok, I would still have a final chance until I can’t use my hands no more. However, there are millions of Artist better than me, trying out there and I have shaky Hands… why is this so difficult. Proving Lupus and all other diseases and disorders ruined my life have been a nightmare.
I was diagnosed with lupus in 2012, after I hurt my back carrying an obese patient, because my partner let go of the stretcher, I was an EMT. The worst thing was that, I really couldn’t ask or didn’t want to ask for workers comp, because I too a fitness test, and I already was in pain in 2011, however I was still able to work through the pain. I was still young and in my mind, if I’m going to let a little bit of pain stop me from doing anything, then I will never go anywhere. However my body had other plans for me. Being an EMT, soon was going to be a thing of the past. My wrist, my back, my knees and my neck starting to hurt more frequently, un enabling to to carry anything, including stretchers, and bags, drive long hours, sit down, bend or stand up. So, I had to be let go. I tried to go back to school to learn cosmology, and the classroom was great until I had to stand long hour and hold a scissor. Needless to say, I had to quit after 700 hours of hard work. I began to think; how am I going to provide for my family I need to work… at the time, I was in a relationship. Long story short, I moved to a warmer weather, was feeling better for a little bit, I worked as a medical assistant, I was on ADHD medication, I was doing pretty good, I had my day, but, my flares were tame. But, that didn’t last long, I went through a period of very heavy stress and after having a well paying job, a house and everything I needed, I had to leave it all behind and come back to NY. In 2017, since I’ve gotten back and my mother died that same year everything has gotten from bad to hell. My grandfather always have told me, that we should work until we die, otherwise what’s the point in life, and I have live by that motto for years. Even with all the pain, I found jobs that were lighter, and even a job for other disable people. These jobs all required to either be in the phone, stand, sit, stay awake,alert, remembering, typing, talking, and more very simple tasks. Which I have found increasingly difficult to perform as time progresses. My last two jobs; Homeless Men Shelter Supervisor; what a trill and adventure. I even ended up in the hospital with a rare flu, and the doctor told me that it was time to quit, and Let someone else do that job. That my immune system is too weak to be among so many people. Which I listened and just wore a mask, PRE COVID. I still ended up in the hospital, inpatient. I finally got fired, they say fraternization , but I feel it was because they were tired of me calling in sick and being absent among other things. Then Immediately I got a job as a security officer for a university, they said in the application that it was light job, and I mostly was going to be sitting and if I wanted to could stand up and stretch and it was an overnight position. That quickly turn into me having to take the elevator to the 10th floor and go floor by floor and decent stairs, then walk in the cold to release coworker in other buildings. I was in so much excruciating pain, I contemplated everyday, to go to work. I asked myself… Can we live off the government? No.. because I would have to be disabled, maybe I can move in with a friend? No because I have kids, should I just end myself? No because these kid still need me. I feel like a waste of space. Everything hurts and I can’t do a simple job. I pull it together, stop crying, dry my years, and acted normal. One day, in the chaos of Covid, I got sick, and they told me not to come. I called my doctor and she wrote a letter, that I wasn’t allowed to go back to work because of my immune system was compromised. So I stay home, and they university literally send me videos to watch and write a small essay of what I learn about it, to keep getting paid. Okay! Well that ended, and I really was in bad shape. I applied for disability. I quickly learned, that the worst thing about applying for disability is not having it; It’s having to proof to a bunch of people that see you once and a few people that just read about you on paper and a judge that just listens to the testimony of this people is the worst part. I see several specialists for different systems in my body, and they all agreed, I was not fit to work anymore. Between, chronic pain, lupus, fibromyalgia , Chiari Malformation, chronic back pain, non epileptic seizures, PTSD, BDP, OCD, ADHD, Asthma, Chronic Depression, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Arthritis, AND ALSO, the several medications. My medication consists of opioids , injections, seizures medication, muscle relaxers and high blood pressure medications, and inhalers. The doctors that evaluated you for 30 minutes for mental and physical issues, from the social security insurance office, make a decision based on what you look that day or how you feel that day. They have literally put on my decision letter that “I dress nice” to be disabled… I don’t know what is that… I’m going to a doctors office… my daughter picked up my clothes or my husband, and help me dress.. am I suppose to wear dirty clothing? Or mismatch clothing because I have a mental and physical illness? Also, I completed college associate degree in 2016… is 2022 now, they say, I have schooling… yes, but what does that have to do with me not being able to leave my bed most days? I appealed for a second time, with a lawyer. After applying for the second time and being denied twice so, this is technically my 4th attempt. Everything keeps getting worse. I have OCD, I usually shower daily sometimes twice, and because of the fatigue and exhaustion, I have to shower once a week. I stay in bed most of the day. I actually have ONE hobby that I was able to continue and that coloring and drawing but only on the iPad. Because I don’t have to use section on my wrist as much. I sometimes scrapbook, and I was able to get married. I use a cane because my pride it’s too big, and I refuse to use those electric carts in the store, so I rather just try to walk a tiny bit and leave and shop online. Why does people that work so hard and paid money towards social security in case they become disabled, have to jump through fire covered hoops to be taken seriously? I literally don’t know how else to show them, I can’t work. They suggested a job of “silverware wrapper” but that job doesn’t exist. They give that job to waitresses, and they recommend, a job with no public contact, sedentary, to only carry 5 pounds or less. I tell you, if I could actually earn money making art or from my doodles, then it would be ok, I would still have a final chance until I can’t use my hands no more. However, there are millions of Artist better than me, trying out there and I have shaky Hands… why is this so difficult. Proving Lupus and all other diseases and disorders ruined my life have been a nightmare.
I wanted my wedding invitations to be unique, and to resemble our personalities. I tried to browsed hundreds of cards, and they were either too expensive, and fancy, or also too bland and expensive. Mostly everyone nowadays use email invites, so most of them were going to be digitally sent and just some of them were going to be printed and sent by snail mail. I worked on these cards for a couple of months until I decided the final look.
The front (I removed my personal information, but you get the gist…The back
I printed them double sided, to conserved paper, and my pocket.
Lets give this a try. I don’t know how to blog, but I love to draw. I want to inspire people that, think they can’t draw to create more art. Everything is art, if you imagine it, and put it on a medium, you already creating.
I recreated this picture from a original I drew in 2014. You can see how much I have grown as an artist and I have learnBefore and After
